02 April 2007

Archive: The Video Store Strikes Back!

In August of last year I posted a blog about how I didn't get a job at a video store because I'm not a Nazis. Alright, maybe that's not entirely fair: I actually didn't get the job because I don't LOOK like a Nazis (they would have hired me no matter my feelings on fascism so long as I looked like I hated freedom). If you haven't read that blog do check it out, it's a classic.

So this weekend I went back to the video store, not to apply for a job, but to rent movies. I hadn't been there for a while because I haven't had time to watch a movie in ages and, frankly, because in the age of Netflix video stores are largely unnecessary relics-- fossils from an age best forgotten. Y'know, like churches.

Anyhow, what did I see behind the counter at Nazis Video? Oh, dear reader, I'm almost afraid to say, lest my revelation cause fainting amongst the delicate womenfolk. But, alas, I feel compelled, fainting spells notwithstanding, to reveal the hard, disturbing truth. Steel yourselves.

Behind the counter at the video store was (drum roll) . . . A GUY WITH A BEARD! Now granted, he had that gross-ish chin strap beard and wasn't rocking the full-on hobo look that I've got going, but still, he undeniably had facial hair!

Can you imagine the amount of business that place is losing by having employees with hair on their faces? Man, I guess I'm glad now that I don't work there, they'll be bankrupt in a matter of days!

Parents were shielding their children's faces from the beard as they quickly fled the store . . . young women were turned into whores at the sight of the beard . . . even I, manly though I may be, felt a flood of regurgitated food in my throat when I imagined having to hand money to the bearded monster behind the counter.

What is this world coming to when men are allowed to give into their baser animal selves and grow hair upon their chins? And more importantly, what type of store would employ such a monster?

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