Archive: How I became Pro-Life

The phone rings.

I answer.

Me: Hello?

Recorded Voice: Hello, I'm calling to conduct a survey about abortion. If are not interested in taking part in the survey, simply hang up.

Me: [doesn't hang up]

R.V.: If you consider yourself pro-life, anti-abortion, press 2.

Me: [doesn't press 2]

R.V.: If you consider yourself pro-choice, pro-abortion rights, press 9.

Me: [still listening to make sure I have it right]

R.V.: Again, if you are pro-life, press 2 and if you are pro-choice, press 9.

Me: [presses 9]

R.V.: [now much happier] Thank you for being pro-life!

Me: Huh?! [presses 9 again]

R.V.: We at Right to Life of Michigan are excited to have you. Through this survey, we are building a coalition of 5 million households. We have a wonderful opportunity to repeal abortion rights. We have enough votes in both the House and the Senate--

Me: [hits again 9.]

R.V.: We at Right to Life of Michigan are excited to have you. Through this survey, we are building a coalition of 5 million households. We have a wonderful opportunity to repeal abortion rights. We have enough votes in both the House and the Senate--

Me: [decides to hold on so I can speak to a real person and fix up this egregious error]

R.V.: If you would like to make a contribution to help us take away the rights of women,* press 6.

[long pause while I wait for another option.]

R.V.: [silence]

Me: [mashes down 9]

R.V.: Thank you for agreeing to contribute to our cause! You'll be receiving a mailing from us shortly!

Me: What the--? But I didn't--! I PRESSED NINE! NIIIIIIIINE!!

*this may not have been the exact words the recording used. But then again, it may have been.