Mind Dump: Beware the Fire Burst

This has been one of the most significant, stressful and painful weeks of my life. And really, that’s all my fault. But, at this point, none of it is any of your business so instead of dealing with all of the things I should be dealing with and will be dealing with in the weeks, months and years to come, I’ve decided to just do a mind dump about other things.

--The Dark Knight is, in fact, the greatest movie ever. I saw it at midnight on opening night and then again this week. Rather than illuminating flaws in the film, the second viewing actually made me appreciate it even more. It’s even better than I originally thought. While Iron Man was buckets of fun and I will gladly watch it again and again, The Dark Knight transcends the super-hero genre (and yes, there are now officially enough of them to have a whole genre to themselves). And I know everyone is talking about Heath Ledger’s performance* but y’know what? I am too. Absolutely wonderful. I know there are Nicholson loyalists out there and that’s all well and good for you, but this is the Joker I have wanted to see all my life. The pencil trick was the moment when I knew this movie was going to exceed all my expectations. Oh, and let’s not forget Two Face. Gross. Just really, really gross. Captivatingly gross. I love it. Way to give that character a real arch, too.

--“Chelsea Hotel No. 2” by Leonard Cohen seems to be my iPod’s favorite song right now. I wonder if it’s trying to tell me something. . . Maybe just trying to suggest that I’m ugly:

I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
You were famous, your heart was a legend.
You told me again you preferred handsome men
But for me you would make an exception.
And clenching your fist for the ones like us
Who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,
You fixed yourself, you said, "well never mind,
We are ugly but we have the music."

--Started taking an anti-depression medication. One of the possible side effects is an inability to achieve orgasm. And I thought I was depressed before . . .

--A week and a half ago I got the most impressive promotion of my life when I moved up from clothing rack to professional actor. I could explain but frankly, I feel like the story is pretty good right there.

--I was driving behind an ice cream truck on the highway today. On the back of the truck were the words: “Watch For Childrens.”

--Highlights from a user manual for a friend’s old cell phone:

“Not demolished or modified cell phones, otherwise it will create mobile phones damage and leakage circuit fault.” (So, demolishing it is bad for the phone?)

“In a few cases, some models of mobile phones in the car when the car may have an adverse impact on electronic equipment. Then please do not use cell phones so as not to lose security assurances.” (So long as you never use it, your security assurances are all set.)

“If LCD liquid into the eyes of the blind be dangerous.” (How much worse can the eyes of the blind be damaged?)

“Battery, not to exert pressure on the force, otherwise they will cause battery leakage, overheating and the fire burst.” (You get that, Battery? The Force is either strong with you, or it isn’t. Quit exerting so much pressure on it.)

“Do not welding battery End Otherwise, it will lead to leakage, overheating and the fire burst.” (Here we have a sample of my two favorite things in the manual: The insistence that “Otherwise” needs to be capitalized and, of course, “the fire burst.” Beware the fire burst, Childrens.)

“Please do not demolish or converted charger Otherwise, it will lead to personal injury, electric shock, fire and damage to the charger” (Not unlike with the phone, demolishing the charger is, in fact, bad for the charger.)

“Dirt poor contact will lead to the socket, brownout, which can not be recharged, regularly cleaned.” (Keep those hobos away from your phone: Contact with the dirt poor will lead to the socket. And no one wants that.)

--The new Facebook sucks. There: I said it. Show me a person who likes the new Facebook and I’ll show you someone who secretly wishes people still liked MySpace.

--The front page of my condo association’s July newsletter featured the following poem. It’s a perfect example of the trifecta of things I love: Blind patriotism, authoritarian religion, and amateur poetry.** If you need to ask my feelings about it, we clearly haven’t met:
“My Declaration of Independence” by Dorothy Siple

I’m glad I was born an American
In the Land of the brave and the free;
Out of millions of others less favored
God gave this great blessing to me.

I rejoice in the freedom it gives me
For which a great price has been paid
By those who so cherished its value
That their lives on the altar were laid.

But I’m more glad that I am a Christian
Who’s been freed from the shackles of sin
By the outpouring love of my Savior,
Who died my salvation to win.

Now I’m free from the guilt that oppressed me,
No fear keeps me held in its power;
No task can defeat or distress me,
For God gives the strength for each hour.

I am free to love all men as brothers
To forgive any wrong done to me;
To be cleansed from the poison of hatred
And to be whom God wants me to be!

I don’t always need fair weather for sunshine;
There are other ways sunshine is sent.
All the things I possess don’t bring pleasure
Nor does worldly success mean content.

So I greet each new day with excitement;
My heart wants to sing and shout!
I’m a SLAVE to the love of my Master ---
And that is what FREEDOM is about!

--The show must go on.***




*Love the online petitions for an Oscar for Ledger, by the way. That’s a great idea . . . if the Oscars were decided by fucking Congress. It’s like people have no concept of either how awards are given or how petitions work. And, of course, online petitions are always a great tool if you want to do absolutely nothing but feel like you’ve done a little something.

**If you only read the last stanza, it actually makes the condo association seem really progressive. How many other condo associations would publish a poem about BDSM? Not nearly enough, I would have to say.

***Some restrictions apply.