18 December 2007

Why I should never answer the phone

Just moments ago, an older gentleman called the box office. This is an almost exact transcript of our conversation:

Me: Circle Theatre Box Office, this is Dave.

Caller: Hi, is this the Circle theatre?Me: Yes.Caller: Okay. Do you get matching funds from AT&T?

Me: Excuse me?

Caller: If I make a donation to you do you qualify for matching funds from AT&T? You’re a non-profit, right?

Me: Yes, we area non-profit. I’m not familiar with the AT&T matching funds set up and the person who could answer your question is not in the office right now. I can transfer you to her voice mail so you can leave her a message and she’ll call you back.

Caller: What’s her number so I can call her later?

Me: It’s 632--

Caller: Hold on, let me get something to write it down on.

[pause while he gets paper and I ponder why he would have asked for a number without having a way to write it down]

Caller: Alright. What’s the number?

Me: 632-2997

Caller [matter of factly]: 632-8557.

Me [gently correcting him]: No, 632-2997.

Caller: 5589?

Me [clued in to the fact that this man is hard of hearing]: No, 2. And then 9, as in the number after 8.

Caller: 45--?

Me: No, no. 632 . . .

Caller: 632-5?

Me: No. 632. Then another 2.

Caller: 632-2

Me: Yes. Nine. Nine

Caller: 632-855?

Me: No, 632-2 Nine, as in 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9

Caller: 1,2,3,4,5?

Me: No. Nine. En. Eye. En. Ee. Nine.

Caller: Eff Eye Vee Ee? 8758?

Me: No it’s—Let me put you on hold for a second, I’ll see if I can get better reception.

[places call on hold, makes gesture of frustration to non-existent gods. Takes off headset, picks up handset.]

Me: Can you hear me any better now?Caller: Hold on one second.

[pause]

Caller: Alright.

Me: Can you hear me any better now?

Caller: So it’s 632-8597?

Me: No, no it’s 632

Caller: 632? We can agree on that?

Me: Yes. And then another two.

Caller: Four?

Me: No, six three two two [taking deliberate care to pronounce both twos exactly the same.]

Caller: 632-2

Me: Yes! And then the number nine.

Caller: Five?

Me: No, nine. The number after eight?

Caller: Eight?

Me: No, nine.

Caller: Oh, nine!

Me: Yes! And then another nine.

Caller: Five?

Me: No, another nine. Just like the number I just gave you. Between 8 and 10.

Caller: Nine. Is that right?

Me [almost too excited to speak]: Yes! And then seven.

Caller: Seven. Okay, good. And who will I be talking to there?

Me: Her name is Joni.

Caller [as if it were an entirely reasonable name]: Gorby? Like ‘Gee Oh Are Bee Why?’

Me: No, Joni. Jay Oh En Eye.

Caller: ‘Cause I’m wondering if you qualify for the AT&T matching donation thing and I think you do, but you’ve got some kind of number that I’ll need—

Me: Joni will be able to give that to you.

Caller: Well real good. Thanks.

3 comments:

Diane said...

Hey, don't get too ageist on me, bud!

(Winky face)

Just wanted to let you know I was lurking.

--Diane

Roy said...

He must have been pulling your leg.

Or was senile...which would be amazing since he somehow managed to dial the number to the box office.

I see not how nine sounds like five. Pas du tout.

Dan Spencer said...

hilarious, should've been an episode of Trigger Happy TV